five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
