I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want to be your penis for a week.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
