I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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