i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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