I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
