I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
