if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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