dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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