I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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