Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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