it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
