If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
