ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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