watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
