If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
