did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my shit smells like andre
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
