I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
