I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
