Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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