Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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