One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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