Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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