And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
