Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
