He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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