The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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