i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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