I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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