Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
