I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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