girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
God, I missed his penis.
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