my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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