Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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