Apparently you make a good broom.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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