I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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