i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
