if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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