I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
