Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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