why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
