So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
