Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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