hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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