I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
