5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
