told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
