Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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