i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
