i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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