just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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