Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
