We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
