she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
