Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
