Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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