Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
