im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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